Sheila Walsh

The gift of understanding

by Sheila Walsh on 08/10/2009 02:08

One of my favorite quotes is from T. S. Elliot's 'Little Gidding'- "We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." It seems to me that my life keeps bringing me back to things I thought I had dealt with years ago and yet there they are one more time. Whether it's insecurity, feeling like I don't belong and am alone in this world or frustration with my procrastination (which I have turned into a spiritual gift) I am still surprised when these feeling rear up like a monster from the depths of a lake and stare me in the face. This morning however I saw that even though I may be staring at the same monster, my response is different now than it was years ago because tucked into my pocket is the gift of understanding. I know now that when a girl loses her father at a very early age and before he leaves he wounds her to the core, she will struggle to believe that she is worth loving. I know too that vows made in childhood to protect your heart can leave you feeling safer but alone. I understand that so much of my procrastination is not about being afraid to fail, it's about being afraid to succeed and what would that demand of me? Perhaps the greatest understanding of all is that in learning to trust God with the hardest things in my life, they don't wield the power they once had. So I look into the eyes of the monster and tell it not to worry-perhaps we can be friends after all.

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Comments:

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Comment by Anonymous on 03/16/2010 03:17

Wow i thought I was the only one who felt like they didn't belong. Thank you for sharing this...It is as if I wrote it... How can you understand me so well and have never met me? Thanks for letting me know on a day when i feel so depressed that I am not alone.

Comment by Anonymous on 08/21/2009 04:02

Learning to let go of the monsters in my life. Thank you for Sheila and the wonderful gifts she shares with this world. I happened upon your song "Let Go". I relate to all of the women in the video and starting today am letting go as much as I can, for today. Thank you.

Comment by Anonymous on 08/20/2009 10:21

that monster will come in the form of fear, insecurity,hopelessness in my situation. Learning my weaknesses, and getting strength from God to face these monsters is a struggle I do until now. But I will never give up...because I dont want the devil to win. I feel they are always there to help me fail....and I just keep on trying...I want to win.

Comment by Anonymous on 08/20/2009 07:23

I too have the "gift" of procrastination and I hate it. I always think of it as a lack of discipline on my part. "I understand that so much of my procrastination is not about being afraid to fail, it's about being afraid to succeed and what would that demand of me?" This rings like truth to my spirit. I've never thought of if that way. I just don't trust that I have what it takes to meet the challenges in front of me. I so want to please my Father God.

Comment by Anonymous on 08/12/2009 11:01

I understand this feeling all to well, right now. I recently returned to Christ and every old demon as well as some new ones have decided to comeback with it. It sometimes seems so easy to just walk away, under the stress. No job and really no friends to talk to about it, sometimes makes me feel very alone and isolated. I look in the mirror and just see a wretched sinner who feels very undeserving of God's love; however, I know He loves me. But I need the understanding the He loves me.

Comment by Anonymous on 08/12/2009 10:21

Are the comments not viewable by everyone?
Allison

Comment by Anonymous on 08/11/2009 12:29

Sheila,

I can relate so much to your loneliness and feel like you don't belong. I am currently struggling with the same issues in my life. God has challenged me this past year, as I came down with Lyme Disease and it has stripped my life and taken over. to the point I couldn't is get out of bed for 3 months. I even lost all of my hearing, yet I was on my knees crying my heart out to God everyday for healing and to restore my hearing. One month later my heraing has been restored, Praise God. I was in a place where I was at peace and joyful, even though I not in a good place. Today I rely on God to give me thy strength to make it through each day. It has been very uplifting and God is so good.

Cindy

Comment by Anonymous on 08/10/2009 05:43

Wow--First of all, I'll tell you that I just finished spending a weekend with you and your porch pals at WOF in my city of Indianapolis and your talk was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Now I'll say this-I've struggled with the same thing you are mentioning here for the past two days. I would love to write in detail, because I can't tell you how much you, Sheila Walsh, have spoken into my life in the past year, but I can't figure out how to "comment" privately without posting it for everyone else who comes here to read. I'm reallllly struggling right now, and as many times before, it seems like God is using you to speak into my life again. I'd just rather not post the "gory" details of my "spinning" life for all of cyberspace to read.
Confused and Frustrated Allie