Sheila Walsh

The Drinker and The Cheerleader

by Sheila Walsh on 02/24/2010 05:02

Nail salons fascinate me. Most of the salons that I have used since living in the U.S. are run by Vietnamese families and the standard questions that I have been asked from coast to coast are as follows,

"You no wok today?"

"Why you no wok today?"

"You got chidren?"

"Why you just got one chidren?"

I feel a certain license to share the above as in almost every salon I have been told that I have a funny accent, no argument from me there!

On the last outing however I watched something take place that disturbed me. It was very busy that day with all twenty-five chairs occupied. I was initially struck by a woman sitting in a chair opposite me as she was on her third glass of free white wine and it was just 4 o'clock in the afternoon. The woman beside her made a very disparaging remark then made eye contact with me and rolled her eyes. What impacted me most was the look in the eyes of the woman with the wine. She had a "lost" look, a quiet despair. I prayed for her that whatever was going on in her life at that moment, God's mercy would cover and claim her.

I became aware of a bit of a buzz at the front desk and saw that a young woman I've sat with before had just come in. She is a cheerleader with a well known football franchise and she took the chair beside me. She is quite breathtakingly beautiful and very sweet. I watched the other women in the salon eye her up and down, willing themselves to find fault with something about her. I had a feeling that she was used to that.

As I left that day I felt very sad and as I tried to unpack what I was feeling it is this.

No one who is struggling in any way with anything needs one more drop of judgement. They need prayer, compassion and companionship. My other thought is that when we allow ourselves to be diminished by beauty, we have chosen an ugly facade. No one travels through this life pain free no matter what the outer shell looks like. We need each other. Perhaps we first have to make peace with the reflection we see in the mirror and the one we see in the dark. When we can extend grace to that one, perhaps we can to one another

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Comments:

Disclaimer: The following are comments from blog community members across the country. They are not necessarily the views of Sheila Walsh or her ministry. Please alert us if any inappropriate comments are made.

Comment by jean on 07/17/2010 06:44

Beautifully said. Mahalo.

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Comment by Michelle on 03/16/2010 10:47

I keep thinking, I need to stop reading these blogs and get some more housework done. Forget that, it will wait, and if not, then what? We'll be with JESUS, and that's NOT BAD! Your site is very addictive, as I find something I can relate to on every entry. My husband was abusive, and it only took me 30 years to give up. And that's with him coming "to Jesus" and getting to baptize one of our sons, himself. He is bi-polar, and self medicating. But don't we all have our own issues? I had a brain aneurysm in '99, and have been recovering ever since, but I still give GOD the glory for my recovery. LONG story for a blog. Sorry.

Comment by Cindy N on 02/25/2010 04:15

Just this week I had a discussion with my husband that so many women are "secretely suffering"...especially believers in Jesus who are supposed to have everything together. All too often they have nowhere to go for accountability wrapped in compassionate embrasses. Lord, change us. Lord, change me.

Comment by Marcie P on 02/25/2010 12:24

Thank you Sheila! So true and such a great reminder that so many times our judgements arise from our own insecurities. May we pray instead of judge and that prayer draw us closer to our own need of His grace.

Comment by becca on 02/25/2010 12:02

though good may see us and love us with all our faults, it's not up to others to judge others. we do it without thinking ..put yourself in someone else's shoes and then judge!

Comment by SHEILA WALSH on 02/25/2010 11:04

Thank you so much for your honesty! Kristi, I hate that you have been judged by others. Telling someone to "get over it" shows a lack of grace. I pray that you know deep down in your core that you are loved by God as you are right now!

Comment by Melissa on 02/25/2010 10:38

Wow! Thank you so much for this. This is so common among women. We put each other down even with our glances to make ourselves feel better. We have no idea what someone might be going through. Imagine a mile in their shoes...that's what I keep telling myself. Oh that my heart would flood with compassion today for those around me.

Comment by Candace on 02/25/2010 10:31

That's why I gravitate towards friends with that unmistakable warm spirit of easy-going, light, funny, live-life wisdom, compassion because they thoroughly understand humanity with all it's ups & downs, mistakes & sorrows, "there but the grace of God go I" attitude...that speaks volumes before they ever open their mouths:)

Having them as inner-circle, makes it easier to deal with the outer circles of all of what you've described. Occasionally, I do smile and have a sweet impromptu convo with God when people you've described see my example, see your example, and convert over from "the dark side." :)

Comment by Anonymous on 02/25/2010 10:31

Excellent reflection on the state of humanity at present

Comment by Kristi on 02/25/2010 10:23

I am a woman with a fantastic life, but it is amazing to me how I can be judge because I am fat. I wonder if people think I woke up one day and said "my goal is to be fat". That's not what happened. I know I'm fat because I am still dealing with a lot of pain from my childhood. And I have heard the lines to "get over it", "the past is the past". I think that because I don't want to be judged for being fat I overcompensate in everything else I do in life. As much as I love God and he loves me judgment is still very hurtful even when done by people you don't know.

Comment by Anonymous on 02/25/2010 10:05

It's interesting to read this, Sheila - since I saw on Facebook not too long ago comments you yourself made about an obese person. We all make mistakes, but - as a FVFP (formerly VERY fat person) - of course I took offense. I forgive you - but you know what, we have to be /really/ careful what we say - because we don't know /who/ it is going to impact!

Comment by MaryJo on 02/25/2010 12:06

WOW! This speaks volumes to me! I am currently reading your book 'The Heartache No One Sees.' What perfect timing.
Many thanks, Mary Jo

Comment by Marlene on 02/24/2010 08:07

Sheila

I've been on both sides of that track (judged and was judged)It doesn't feel good to be on either side. Somedays I fail miserably. Yesterday was one of those days when I blew it big time and it didn't feel good at all. Isn't it funny that you should write this blog message today!?!? Thanks once again for allowing God to speak through you at such a time as this.

hugs to you,

Marlene

Comment by Annette on 02/24/2010 07:52

Good points Sheila! If more of us found our confidence in Jesus rather than how we look, the world would be a better place!

Comment by Megan D. on 02/24/2010 07:18

I experience this almost daily. I have an amazingly beautiful 11 year old daughter who has autism. She has some quirky behaviors like holding her right hand up by her eye and clapping. It is so unbelievable the stares of judgement we get because of that. People don't even have enough courtesy to try to be sly about it. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I've become used to it and Gracie doesn't notice. I just can't figure out what makes people think that they are better than Gracie. Gracie is beautiful, she doesn't lie, she's never mean or hurtful to others, she has more strength than most people having to deal daily with not being able to communicate and experiencing sensory overload constantly yet control her frustration. If anything people should desire to be more LIKE Gracie rather than judge her for her quirks. I also teach kids with special needs, and my prayer is that the world will stop judging these unique children and accept them for the amazing people they are.

Comment by Kimberly on 02/24/2010 06:55

I can totally relate. I feel for both of those situations. We need to definitely get our vertical alignment in place.

Comment by Kate S on 02/24/2010 06:45

I often look at my life and think "there for the grace of God go I". Most of us live from the outside out doing our best to portray our best front to others, look our best and subconsciously competing with those around us we feel threatened by. It's only when we accept the grace and love of God that we change from the inside out and our outside begins to be transformed as the glory of God changes our countenance. We also realise that those hurting around us need our love, grace and compassion so that they can begin their journey of being beautiful from the inside out in that order. Great discussion....

Comment by Sheila Walsh on 02/24/2010 06:41

So sad Christy and such a waste of the gift of life and beauty that Christ promises

Comment by Christy on 02/24/2010 06:39

Perhaps we first have to make peace with the reflection we see in the mirror and the one we see in the dark. When we can extend grace to that one, perhaps we can to one another.

Wow. That is two very powerful sentences. And something I find so true in my own life. I work with teen girls and often think of how mean they are to one another. And then I think of women...and realize they are doing just what is modeled before them.

Heartbreaking.