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March 03, 2008
Q: Dear marilyn,
I am just curious how Sheila overcame her struggle with clinical depression and am interested in other ways to deal with this topic.
A: I think Sheila’s book Honestly is one of the best books I’ve read on depression. In that book Sheila is candid about her own experience as well as helpful to others who also struggle with depression.
March 03, 2008
Q: Dear Marilyn,
I just finished reading your book you wrote with Luci on being free inside and out. Excellent book! I too live in freedom and I am walking with a dear friend who has just walk away from living in and being raised in a very legalistic family. In her wanting to be "all done" with that kind of life, she has also "all done" with Christianity. Most everything she has been taught about God feels very toxic to her now. She is not in church and trying to figure out all over again who God is. She is in her words, "detoxing". She does not feel condemnation in not going to church, which in itself is freedom. I want to help her, and am just loving her where she is. She believes in God - she is just really sickened by Christian stuff... words and traditions. Any thoughts? Advice for me as her best friend in helping her walk through this? I listen - ask questions and pray and love her. Thanks so much!
A: You, sweet Baby, are doing all the right things. You let her talk, you listen, you pray and you love her. That is the perfect formula. Not one of us is called to be the Holy Spirit in anyone’s life; that job is taken. But we are all called to love each other and to bear each others burdens. Your friend’s burden is legalism which she has confused with the nature of God whose nature is grace. Grace is not earning ...it’s receiving. We don’t earn God’s love which is a difficult truth for most people. Everything in life is something we have to work for when we’ve worked hard enough, if we’re fortunate, we earn that for which we’ve worked. The only thing we have to do to receive God’s grace is to simply receive it. What you are doing with your friend is being a picture of grace to her. You are not backing away from her in judgment as she does her “detoxing”. You are standing by her and receiving her as she is where she is. That’s what God does once we’ve chosen to receive salvation through Jesus, we then are “declared righteous” (perfect). That grace is astounding and has nothing to do with our “doing”. It’s all about God’s “doing”. So dear one, continue doing what you are doing; what a privilege for you and what a gift you are to her.
March 03, 2008
Q: Dear marilyn,
I read your book Love Me Never Leave Me and quite frankly it made me mad. I don’t need to know when I was abandoned or even how. That has happened over and over in my life. I want to know why I was abandoned. You didn’t talk about that at all. Why should an innocent little child, me, be unloved and unwanted? If God is a loving father, why didn’t He prevent those experiences that have left me feeling unlovable? God’s got the power. I don’t know why He didn’t use it. I’m a Christian and I know I’m simply supposed to believe He is loving but I find it hard to believe what I have not experienced. By the way, you are a good writer. I’m sorry to sound rude.
A: I don’t think you sound rude at all. I think you sound mad and I’m so glad you took the time to tell me how you are feeling. Now I’ll tell you how I’m feeling. I too am frequently mad at God that He does not prevent hurtful, unjust and undeserved experiences for His creation. Nothing makes me more mad than the abuse of a child. It is so wrong! Abandonment in any form is wrong. It is contrary to our deepest needs and longings. We were created for a bond that would never be broken. We were never created to experience “being left” unprotected and unloved. So why does God not use His power? He did. He used it when He sent Jesus to die for the sins of a world prone to hurting and abusing each other. What causes people to hurt, abuse and abandon each other? Sin. What is sin? It started when Adam and Eve disobeyed God. Their disobedience was possible because they were created with options. The option to choose good (obedience to God) or choose evil (disobedience for God’s instruction). So do I have a right to get mad at injustice and all that is wrong? Yes. But I have to remind myself how it all got started and remember the choice was not God’s for His people to experience hurts. That choice has to be laid at the feet of the first couple in the Garden.
If God used His power to stop the injustice, hurt and abandonment in the world it would mean human beings would no longer have freedom of choice. My challenge is to make right choices. My challenge is to follow the example of Jesus who told us to love one another as He loves us. That’s a choice each of us can make. I hope Sweetheart that you can know God’s heart broke for you when your heart was broken. I also hope you can know He truly is a loving Father whether we always understand it or not.
March 03, 2008
Q: Dear Marilyn,
This is an embarrassing situation for me but I’m going to risk even writing the words on paper. I am active in the Women’s Ministries department of my church and yet I find myself having little faith in what I’m teaching about God. I am doubting His love, I am doubting that prayer works and I’m doubting that what I’ve believed for years is really true. I appear to be fine but I’m not. I feel like a fake and an imposter. In fairness to those persons who have confidence in my spiritual leadership I am convinced I need to resign from everything I do and pretend to be. My question to you is should I tell people why I feel I need to resign? I’m ashamed to admit it all and I’m also afraid of disappointing the people who trusted me. What do you suggest?
A: I am so sorry you are experiencing such inner anguish. To feel ashamed of yourself and feel responsible for the disappointment others may feel about you is a heavy burden.
It would help me to know how long you have been suffering from spiritual doubts. It would also help me to know if some disappointing event has occurred in your life which is serving as a trigger for your doubts. Try to put a tracer on when and perhaps why your doubt is now surfacing. Oddly enough, it would also help me to know how old you are. Is there a possibility of hormones getting out of whack? A doctor visit would be a good idea if indeed you need hormone adjustment. But to answer your question “should I tell people why I feel the need to resign”, I would advise you to simply ask for a “time out”. The reason you give is that you need to process some personal issues for an undetermined amount of time. That will of course spike curiosity but you do not owe an explanation for what you have yet to understand and work your way through. Then you need to find a completely trustworthy person with whom you are safe. Ask that person to hear you, listen to you, pray with you and protect you. That process will become “Jesus with skin on” as you walk through your dark night of the soul. I wish you well dear one and pray you experience the comforting arms of Jesus enveloping your soul. He is there in spite of your doubts.
February 19, 2008
Q: Dear Marilyn,
I'm writing you after returning from the WOF conference yesterday. I was uplifted as usual and appreciate you so much! This letter comes after much prayer, tears, and even a night "talking with my Mom" after we returned from San Antonio this weekend. I kept it all inside, but she knew I was hurting, and finally asked me to share. So here goes:
If I believe remarriage after divorcing my first husband without biblical grounds is the root of my current failing marriage, will it ever be blessed and successful by God?
We have trouble with one or two of the children involved. My husband is not placing me second in the home, under God, and often sides with the children in question, which is hurtful and belittling to me. We have not spoken in one week. I am seeking counsel on what to do now.
If God did not bless our union from the beginning, and it has been 5 years of heartache overall, should I stay in the marriage, or confess my sin, repent of this remarriage, and free myself of it (divorce for the 2nd time)? I live in a home surrounded by hatred from one of the children and destructive behavior by her, which my husband does not discipline her for or provide counseling to help her heal. We have all made our mistakes in the household, but this one teen and I continue to live estranged. She can be vindictive, mean, dishonest, and distrustful, all the while her father believes her over me. Our marriage is suffering and ending because of this. I feel abandoned and alienated by the one man I chose to whole heartedly love and trusted to protect me. However, due to the circumstances we got together, after my previous divorce, maybe God will never bless our marriage.
I value your godly advice and treasure your honest approaches with women.We are a sensitive, but loving, creatures! Thank you for your response.
A: I’m sorry Honey about your pain living in a home characterized by distrust, anger and disrespect. That truly is a toxic environment for you as well as everyone else in the family. But I want to remind you of a basic scriptural truth: God does not discontinue His love or blessing when we disobey. If that were the case, no one on the planet would experience blessing. God loves us and blesses us as we are and where we are. He also instructs us as we are and where we are. Those godly instructions develop our character and maturity as believers who have chosen to have the Son of God living within us. Bottom line: you are looking for an “out” in this current marriage because it’s hard. You’d rather get out than have to face the serious challenges that exist in your home. To begin with, you and your husband absolutely must get professional council; the sooner the better. Each of you needs to own up to the reasons why the fabric of your relationship is unraveling. You cannot put that blame on God who you think is withholding His blessing because of your divorce. Remarriage usually involves blending “his kids – her kids”. Rarely is that done easily. Your stepdaughter is successfully driving a wedge between you and your husband. He takes her side leaving you out of the picture, a victim of the daughter’s anger. What’s she mad about? What did you do? In her mind, you stole her Daddy. She wants him back. She’s already lost her mother and she blames you for that too. Her hurting heart needs to be looked at for what it is: she feels utterly abandoned emotionally. So do you. So does your husband. Is there hope for everyone? Absolutely. God wills hope, victory and maturity for all of you. Don’t give up Sweetheart.
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